22. 5. 2024


My Art, Imagination, And Nostalgia As Inspiration

May 22nd, 2024 at 6:18 PM CET

Im not a fan of the way nostalgia is usually framed. I spent the worst two years of my life trying to live in the past because things used to be better, instead of trying to make the present better. Nostalgia is a huge marketing tool. Especially in recent years, I see older trends resurfacing, but the appeal is always just nostalgia. Its not "cool" to draw Sparkledogs because "cringe culture is dead", its just because its kinda trendy to be nostalgic for them now. Dont get me wrong, I love Sparkledogs and everything Cringe, as you can definitely tell just by looking at my website XD but I like the things I like because I like them, now, in the present. I have little to no nostalgia for most of them. And even when I do, I still like them now first and foremost. Nostalgia is just sort of a bonus for that, I only look back at my past for inspiration - either for my art, or for how to make the present better as a whole. Because no matter what, it will never be summer of 2020 again - and you know what? I think thats good! No time of my life was perfect and carefree, even if I remember it being that. And again, thats a good thing! I can only focus on the good parts if I want, but also use both the good and the bad experiences to improve my life going forward!!!! This brings me to what has prompted me to write this in the first place.

Probably to nobodys surprise, Ive been a very artistic and creative person all my life. To this day, I have an extremely active imagination. And just like most people, I used to go to elementary school. And with being an autistic art kid in elementary school almost inevitably comes drawing your OCs in class and roleplaying and/or imagining stories with them after school. As much as elementary school sucked, I do have amazing memories of making up an entire books worth of stories and then acting those stories out with "friends" - or rather just classmates, because you know, as an autistic kid, a lot of the people I thought were friends did not in fact have the best intentions in mind. But that does not matter now, because I havent seen any of those people in so many years, and I did get to live the true Weird Art Kid elementary school experience!!!!

Why am I talking about this specifically? Because to this day, so often when I get inspired by some cool piece of art (mainly online), I get a wave of nostalgia for the time and the place where my imagination really began developing to be the way it is now. Its like Im actually standing somewhere near that school (the area around it is an absolutely gorgeous place, by the way), and it just makes me happy, because here I am, so many years later, still making up my own characters, worlds, stories, and I am also so much happier now. Maybe I was more "carefree" back then, but when I really think about it, was I actually? I didn’t have to worry about money and jobs and moving out and the future in general and all that shit, but on the other hand, I was getting bullied a lot, I hadnt discovered who I really was yet, and didnt know what true friendship meant for me. I was insecure about myself and often cared about what others thought of me, and now I am just fully unapologetically myself, because I love myself for who I really am, and so do my friends, my real, true friends.

As a kid, I imagined growing up as becoming Normal, automatically able to do all of the stuff adults are supposed to do. Kinda funny now that I actually got worse at some things (mostly socializing) in recent years, but honestly, I wouldnt want it any other way. I thought I would become a well-respected, published author - did not happen, but I now write unhinged crossover RPF fanfiction for myself and my friends, whom I love very much. I dont think I will ever do art professionally (beyond maybe some freelance commissions sometime in the future), but did I ever really want that anyways? I always wanted to create art for myself. Art is the most important form of self-expression for me. I now make OCs and imaginary worlds for myself all the time, just like I used to, and again, its even more fun now! I have more skill, sources of inspiration, access to drawing tools and resources! And way more general life experience, which means more creativity in general!!!! Things used to be a lot simpler, but simpler does not always mean better. I live in the present now, and Im always looking forward to the future. Im sure everything will turn out okay in the end.

Current mood: Happy :D

Current music: Lost Sky - Fearless